Should He Stay or Should He Go Now? If He Stays There Will Be Trouble, If He Leaves...
The obstacle is the path -Zen proverb Okay. So let's say your whole life as you know it is over.
Ended abruptly.
Bam.
And friends abandon you. Avoid you as if your situation might be contagious. Or perhaps being associated with you would be frowned upon. People you've spent most of your time with, worked closely with for years.
And also your wife. You find out she's betrayed you by turning you in to your higher-ups without confronting you first (very non-Matthew 18, and shame on her). Would it have changed the outcome? You don't acknowledge that it would have, but it still was wrong. Plus, she sent copies of your adulterous emails to friends, during the dark times. Very wrong. Betrayed and exposed. Wife = not safe.
And then, in the darkest days of your life, your phone does not ring.
Christians, who teach and preach to love each other, hate the sin not the sinner, forgive and walk with others, ignore you. You scare them somehow. They cannot overcome their own discomfort and reach out to you.
Going to church on Sunday becomes "Running the Gauntlet"
This goes on for over a year. It is painful. It is ongoing. People assume you are over it by now. Everyone else has moved on. Any positive change is slow, and fraught with setbacks each time you think you may be getting your head above water.
You pass the entrance to your former workplace each day. You dread going to the grocery store, the pizza place, McDonald's. Because every fcuking day you see someone who knows you. Someone you worked for, or someone who worked for you. Someone who knows your secret shame now public. Even people you didn't work with, you wonder Do they know? Do they judge?
But you rely on God loving you, as best you can, when other 'tangible' people do not. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Life is hard.
Then another blow rocks you, from a former co-worker that inadvertently sets you back again.
Can you keep living here? In this small town where you inwardly cringe each day, anticipating another blow to your heart? Is God trying to teach you something? Do you think perhaps by now you get it, thank You God, You can stop with the pain now? Or there is more bending of the knee to be done? It's very confusing. And exhausting.
Is it okay to think about moving away from here? Finding a job elsewhere? When previously, you loved this town, this home, this school system, this life? Your children are content beyond belief, protected in a God-provided bubble of loving family and friends. Is it selfish? Or is it a necessary step for rebuilding yourself?
You are tired. You need affirmation. You love your children. You are a good and decent person, whose one bad decision detonated the blast that destroyed everything.
Do you stay? Do you go? Do you trust any decision you make ever again?
