Adventures in Stepford: The Husband's Story...Part 1 of Many

Adventures in Stepford

Monday, August 28, 2006

The Husband's Story...Part 1 of Many

True to his word, here is my husband's first entry. My chest did start to tighten in the last paragraph, but I so appreciate him, his willing nature, & his honesty. Please post any comments or questions you'd like him to address/answer, and I'm sure you'll see it examined by him in the future.

To say that my life has changed radically since the affair would be a complete understatement. In the course of two weeks the affair started, my wife found out and I lost her trust, and my employer found out and I lost my job. In the subsequent weeks after the affair was made "public" I found out what kind of woman my wife is and I found out who my friends really are.

It's really something to watch your life fall apart. Everything I counted on as solid was stripped away, and my pride with it.

In the past five years I have traveled a lot. Another understatement. Because I was a temporary and arbitrary member of our family I developed two worlds. One was at home, where I tried to be a good father despite being gone 4 months out of each year. My marriage? Well, I tried to do the "right" things, but everything was falling apart before my eyes. If you ask my wife, we were both at fault for what happened to our marriage, and I believe that. I had my 50% and she had hers. But, because I was never around for long, we fell into a dangerous rut, and I look back on it now knowing just how dangerous it was. Neither of us were getting what we wanted from each other, so the possibility of self-destruction was high.

My second life was with the many people I was friends with all over the place that my wife never even met. And it was satisfying. Yes, it was very difficult being away from home, but when you are traveling and working all of the time, all of the truly important things become very distant, and the focus becomes on the immediate--the here and now.

The woman I had the affair with had been a friend of mine for several years. She lived in a different part of the country, and we would talk and email sporadically, since my organization did business with hers.

posted by Adventures in Stepford @ 7:12 AM

7 Comments:

At 10:30 AM, Mia said…

Extreme kudos to the hubby... While it was a truly shitty thing to do.. at least being a man and coming forth and explaining the "why and how" of it all seems to me like it would help.

I would have settled for just an "I'm sorry"....

Great blog. I'll be back.
At 11:13 AM, JokerMan said…

Getting all of this out will help to give you some clarity.

What are you going to do now?
At 4:02 PM, baggage said…

I agree, shitty thing to do, but at least he is admitting his mistakes. I am interested in reading more.
At 5:36 PM, Colleen said…

I am on the fence with this one. My husband and I have a no cheat policy. There are no redos allowed. If he cheats, i'm gone. simple as that. vice versa. Having said that, I think it is HUGE for you to be doing what you are doing. Getting it out there and working things out. If your wife keeps you, I would be forever and ever greatful. She is an amazing woman for trying to work things out.
I just re read this and I sound like a HAG! I am really not. I am really a kind person, just these kinds of things I have a hard time with.
I really really hope you work it out. But mainly, if you do work it out, I REALLY hope that you are serious about it. Love her. Cherish her. Communicate with her. Romance her. Honor her. Be there for her. and her vice versa for you.

My love..
At 7:33 AM, Michelle said…

Wow, I've been gone a few days and missed LOADS. I think it'll be great and extremely difficult to hear both sides of the story...
At 9:40 AM, owensmomma said…

I think this is an interesting and much-needed part of the healing process. It's not enough to just say "it happened" and "i'm sorry", especially if the couple wants to work it out.

Kuddos to both of you for trying to work this out and realizing that no one ever said marriage was going to be easy, they only said it would be worth it in the end!

:o)

~Kellie
At 1:31 PM, jacqm said…

i am really looking forward to reading more.
my husband is in the midst of an affair, and he too leads his 'public' life (which i WAS part of) and then his private life...it's like being married to two different people.

i want to understand--i DO understand. Affairs are really easy to fall into...its hard to keep your head clear in the emotional jungle. None of us can judge until we've been in those shoes.
I can't condemn my husband, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.
jacqm