Not my words below, not even written to me, but it could have been. Okay, so between individual counseling, phone counseling, a local accountability person, and the Will of God, perhaps my dark places will get exposed to the light and melt like the Wicked Witch of the West. What? It could happen.
It took BOTH of us realizing where we failed and coming to terms with our demons. He used to lie, cheat, withhold affection.. you name it, he did it and I justified my anger and refused to change. One day I woke up and realized that I was going to find a reason to be suspicious, angry and unloving no matter what he did. I realized this because when he was gone and I was alone, I had no one to unleash my anger on but myself. It almost destroyed me. I finally decided to set down my weapons and figure out where that anger came from and start loving myself. I spent years feeling angry because no one could love me enough. It's hard to love someone who's just waiting for "proof" that they're unlovable. I'm not saying this is what you're doing, but it was a problem for me. I wanted to be loved, but I wanted it on my terms. I wanted to be loved, but wouldn't trust. I wanted change, but didn't forgive. Labels: other people's words |
