Sometime last month, I read through a year's worth of late-night emails between The Husband and myself from December 05 to December 06. The following are snippets culled from those emails. There was plenty of difficult stuff, especially in the beginning when the affair was ongoing. BUT I only pulled the positive phrases that passed between us, starting at that very ugly time in our lives until the most recent of difficulties. Reading these emails, I think, who are these people? they seem happy, supportive, and loving to each other even in the most horrible times. It makes me want to cry in retrospect. look at the good words between them. they were so much further along than you gave them credit for. At least via email. Face time was not as successful for some reason.
I don't expect ya'll to understand each reference, but this is posted mainly for my enjoyment.The Husband is in bold and I am in italics.
Thank you very much for this. You have said exactly how I feel. [after an email I sent to someone in defense of him]
I know you are a good man in your deepest places. You don't think I feel that way, and we both are having serious trust issues with each other, which makes us rear up and be ugly.
My heart is still close to yours and you are wonderful, handsome, witty, creative, fun, smart, capable, generous and strong. God has gifted you with all of this to survive and thrive and bring Glory to Him. You are a precious son to him, the apple of His eye. You are a child of the King my sweetie. Don't forget that or let anyone tell you you are not.
I'll try and remember all of that. Very hard these days, you know? Maybe God is giving me more material for my book?
I'm so sorry I've made you feel like this. God can do wondrous things, and as long as He is around there is still hope. Not saying anything here but just take it one day at a time.
Just give everything time. I don't know what is going to happen. Who knows? All I know is that we have two beautiful kids together. And we both love them very much. That's really all I know right now. We are a team here, no matter what is going on between us and no matter what our future holds. We owe it to [the children]
This is a part of being married to you, the frustration you have when a project is not going smoothly and I want (and ask) to help, and you block the play. would you have me do anything differently when this happens? i'd like to know. every time i leave you alone in these situations, it feels like a cop-out
Thanks for wanting to help tonight. Hard to believe someone thinks I am right about something.
Thanks for all you do for us
I am where I need to be. I don't want to be where I don't need to be. [after she-who-shall-not-be-named-nor-capitalized tried to re-establish contact with him]
You are in the palm of God's hand.I truly am glad for your company, whether it's across the room, entirely in another floor of the house, at least in the same city, or wherever. And I truly appreciate your nice words tonight and the effort it took to reach out with them. Thank you
I am here standing beside of you.
Jeremiah 29:11-12For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."I found this encouraging tonight.
You did your best. That's all you can do. No worries. God knows what we need Thanks for being my support. I remain, Proud of you
And thanks for your encouragement. It means more than you know :) You know, without your encouragement, despite the huge blow I inflicted on you, I don't know how I could be able to piece all of this together and stay sane.
You are very sweet to say this to me, I appreciate it. I have always been your biggest fan, just never let you in on it before I guess. I apologize for that.
We are moving forward in a good direction, I think. This is fixable. The whole thing.
I listened to this song frequently during most of January, praying that you would want to re-build. Just listened to it again, and was reminded that I am so thankful for your heart for our marriage. I never thought two of us would want it, but two of us do, and that's an answered prayer. Even when it's crazy-hard and 'bigger than we thought' Great lyrics. Exactly how I feel and how it is. We can do this.
Know you're busy, just like sending emails to you to encourage you: I am really proud of you (have I said that enough?)oh, it's fun to see your name in my Inbox :) Goodnight and sweet dreams!
That's the goal. To hold your hand and finish the race with you, laughing. I am all for that. Celebrating you, me
I appreciate your efforts to be a great Mom. I know they do too.
Today's bible verse, BTW: Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9
You're right, this is my theme song for the first couple of months of this year. I have come a long way since then. We have come a long way since then.
i am always amazed at how you tend do the right thing even when it's hard and you don't want to. thanks for sharing parts of your day and parts of your thoughts with me
Want to be a godly man. I do so many things wrong, but the hard thing is always the right thing and ends up being the best thing in the long run.
Thinking of - and thankful for - you.
It was a good night. Maybe we'll do it again sometime. Just trying to show you I do think you're pretty, and worth the effort.
I think you're really great. Have I said that before? Well I'll say it again. I'm humbled by your effort I hope you know I am proud of you.
Have you noticed that I am not emailing you at night telling you to go to bed? I know that irks you, so I stopped. Thank you, that's very sweet.look forward to feeling you behind me.I like you That's a good thing. Lucky for you :D And you too, since you're stuck with me.
It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop -Confucius Move like a turtle--[The Husband]
BTW, yesterday was 6 months for you. Thanks. it has been better lately.
She's so pretty. She looks like her Mommy.
you are a kick-a$$ businessman and i am your groupie. God is good. I am here for you.
Thank you for spending time with me tonight; I needed some of that. Do you want get a babysitter for Sat. night? Maybe [restaurant] and then a walk downtown?
I always like to hear about your day and what's going on, I'm grateful when you share. I appreciate you. When you come to bed tonight will you hold me for a few minutes and let me feel safe against your chest and protected in your arms just for a time? I'd like that. I will definitely hold you tonight.
Everyone wishes they could go back and undo the things they have done wrong, but part of the healing is moving forward and enjoying the progress and seeing how far along on the map one has come.
1 Peter 5:10 NIV: 10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. Message:So keep a firm grip on the faith. The suffering won't last forever. It won't be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good.
Name one thing that I could do on a regular basis to make your life easier and happier. i may be covered in red powder, but i'm the wife who loves you, who wants to be in a solid, laughing marriage with you. maybe you'll never see me w/out seeing your own hurt, but for now i choose to believe you will. and that i will too.
Good Morning! I wanted to tell you that I think you are a really good [profession], and I know you are making a difference at your work. You should be proud of what you are doing. I am proud of you : )
Discussing our relationship is extremely important to me. I hope you know that. Trust God I do. I will.
I am encouraged very much by their movement, via intimacy, towards a relationship that has been wrong for a long time. Thanks for sending this to me. : )
2 Corinthians 8:12 "For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have."Thank your for what you are willing to give to us/me. The gift of you is ACCEPTABLE and I am grateful for you. I hope you'll feel safe enough one day to know that. Thanks for this. I do feel appreciated by you, but it will take some time to feel accepted by anyone
I care about you so much. I believe I am much further along towards moving to you the part about standing for myself under the guise of standing for the marriage, when you were the one who wouldn't stand for anything less than the real thing.
I really hope we can work through this. I still have a lot of hope and care about you a great deal.
