I wanted to introduce you to this book properly, but had to share this bit from the middle of the book first. I don't know why, just go with me. This is a great book. The subtitle is: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs True, that.
I started this book waaaaaay before the adultery, but our marriage was already being admitted to the Relationship ICU with multiple diagnoses of neglect, lack of communication, disrespect, and lack of intimacy. I was half-heartedly trying to get some answers. But. I was still asleep and blind in my way, and just stopped reading somewhere in the middle. It has been on my nightstand for almost two years now. I picked it up recently to add to my lineup of simultaneous reading, and I have brand new eyes reading it believeyoume. You can link to the amazon.com page by clicking on the photo.
There's a "crazy cycle" to marriage relationships. In a tee-tiny nutshell: If she feels unloved, she is disrepectful. If he feels disrespected, he is unloving. It's simple but so true.
Much more to follow on the basics there, and I'll talk more about what I learned in the post about this book that should have preceeded this one, but whatever. My blog. My rules. My brand of crazy, here.
Chapter Fourteen Esteem - She Wants You To Honor and Cherish Her
Over the years, many men have come to me and said, "You know, Pastor, my prayer life isn't what it should be." I respond, "How are you treating your wife?" "No, no," the husband hastens to explain. "My prayer life isn't where it ought to be." "How are you treating your wife?" "No, no, Pastor, I'm saying my prayer life; I'm not talking about my wife." I smile and say, "I am talking about your wife."
...Tucked into I Peter 3:7 is one more phrase that every husband should heed. Peter adds that the reason the husband should treat his wife in an understanding way, as a fellow heir in Christ, is so that his "prayers will not be hindered." That is why I would often tell men who came to see me for counsel that, if heaven seemed silent to their prayers, perhaps they were not honoring their wives as God intended.
These men were sure they were doing all the right things, walking in integrity, and serving the Lord, but when they prayed, the heavens semed as brass. They kept wondering, "God, why aren't You hearing me?" And as we probed a little deeper, we often saw that the answer for these men was that they weren't living with their wives in an understanding way that honored and esteemed them. As soon as these men started obeying Scripture, their prayer life improved.
...Your wife does not want to chair the relationship but she does want to be first in importance to you. This is what Peter means by "show her honor" (I Peter 3:7). Your wife wants to know that you have her on your mind and heart first and foremost. This is what I mean by "esteem"; when it's there, your wife will feel treasured as if she's the most loved woman on earth. Also, she will want to respect you in a similar way that the church reverence Christ. Remember that your love motivates her respect, and her respect motivates your love!
