Used to be my favorite time of year, Fall. The air grows colder and tastes like a peppermint stick when you inhale. The chilly gasp of possibility.
I fell 'in like' in September/October of my 10th grade year with an 11th grader named Richard. We did the flirt-in-the-parking-lot thing, went on a hayride, he played snare drums in the band, I was a cheerleader. Varsity football: away or home games every Friday night. He kissed me under the bleachers (and I love me some kissing, ya'll). Ah, Fall.
The cold air is creeping back into our early morning/late night hours here in Stepford. And it makes me uncomfortable. Because the last time the weather was cold, so was my marriage. The adultery was on its way and then continued into the winter. It also ended in the winter, and we are still trying to thaw our relationship.
Could this be any harder? I sometimes think, discouraged.
Yes, Virginia, it could. The Husband was done, ya'll. Believed himself wildly in love with another, and I came THIS close to changing the locks on my house on more than one occasion. He was bringing this woman in my house via email and phone lines. Every night (and many days). For hours. Like a vampire, he was up all night with her and slept all day until he could "meet" her the next night. In a fit of uncontrolled frustration, I said you might as well fly her here and fcuk her in our son's bed while you're at it. I handled many things poorly, not just The Husband. And still God had mercy on us.
Some days progress is only seen by looking back.
I thought I would have to shlep my children from Stepford to Immoralville, where there are no good hotels and it's always foggy. He expected me to move there, children in tow, living in separate residences to be near him. So he could be near Her. Never mind that the children would be leaving every stable factor in life they'd known in order to live on DaddyDoesn'tLoveMommy Island. That is proof right there that alien pod people are kidnapping otherwise rational human beings on a daily basis. Fortunately for me, they spit him back out from the mother ship.
Cold? Wind chill in the negative numbers. No wonder it's taking so long to thaw, when I think about it. No wonder the chilly weather is causing me discomfort.
Distant flickering, Greener scenery, This weather's bringing it all back again.
Great adventures, Faces and condensation, I'm going outside and take it all in.
You say too late to start -got your heart in a headlock, I don't believe any of it. You say too late to start with your heart in a headlock, You know you're better than this.
We're a different pair, Just something out of step, Throw a stranger an unexpected smile.
With big intention, Still posted at your station, Always on about the day it should have flown.
You say too late to start -got your heart in a headlock, I don't believe any of it. You say too late to start with your heart in a headlock, You know you're better than this.
You've been walking, You've been hiding, And you look half-dead half the time. Monitoring you, like machines do, You've still got it I'm just keeping an eye.
