The Husband and I sought marital counseling while still in the middle of his affair/adultery/relationship. This therapy was really under the guise of getting help for me alone, and I invited him to come with me. And, to my great surprise, he did.
Initially I think he was coming along to make sure I didn't bullsh!t the counselor about anything. I can put on what The Husband calls The Beauty Queen and be charming, self-effacing, somewhat forthcoming, but yet not really dig deep and expose anything Too Real and/or Too Ugly about myself. Trust me. I've been to numerous (numerous!) therapists over the years. Take a number, sir. You're next on my scheduled Bus Tour of Childhood Pain. No detours or back alleys. We are stopping only at the key locations on my cute little tri-fold glossy brochure, nowhere else. Please take a seat.
I think he imagined himself to be my personal Quality Control Officer while there. Whatever the reason, I was just grateful he had set foot in any therapist's office with me.
Sadly, our first highly-recommended counselor dude, a/k/a Thing 1, pretty much sucked. We took the Big Leap into therapy, only to find they didn't fill the pool with water. Cue comic book sound effects. :::BAM!:::
To his credit, we were introduced to the Rob Bell Videos there, which was almost worth the wasted time. Almost. These 11-minute DVDs rock, ya'll. I think my favorite video was Flame. But be sure to click on Rain, too. Also excellent, it's a close second for me. And The Husband's favorite. So well done.
Anyway, Thing 1 had a little Cheat Sheet (pardon the pun. ha!) that he used for each client. He was booked solid every day of the week and spent no time in between appointments to regroup or take notes. He'd just escort one out and call another in. He spent the first 15 minutes of each session just re-learning who the hell we were. And we were seeing him twice a week. For two months. You wouldn't think it would be so difficult to remember us, for pete's sake. And he would yawn in the middle of our sessions. I mean, gosh, how could this drama bore you, man. Overextended, anyone? I think at some point, this practice's reputation was good for a reason -and then they just overbooked themselves to the point of being overwhelmed and ineffective.
So, after about two months of this crap (which included begging childcare 2 days a week and driving one hour each way, I turned to The Husband and said, "I don't think we're getting anywhere, do you?" At this point the infidelity had ended for him, and we had been going to therapy together as well as separately. Poor guy: he said "NO!" with such a sense of relief. I think he was afraid to say anything negative about counseling as to be perceived as being difficult, or not willing to work on things.
So, we dropped Thing 1 like a bad habit, and spent several months trying to figure out what the hell do we do now?.
More on some differences between Thing 1 and Thing 2 to come.
